HomeHi there folks, Billy is really forgetful, I almost forgotten that I have a blog for me to throw all my feelings at. Obviously these days, I felt very stuffy, from the inner part of my heart, a feel where I will be lying dead along the roadside suffocated. Last night, I slept from 7 am to 4pm just now, it’s halloween and I had not been around with my fellow friends to wild at party but stayed at home, hurrying on my assignment. The handicrafts are driving me nuts, it would be a pleasure if my lecturers are paying me for accomplishing my work, but on the other round, I am actually paying this idiot to critic my work. The truth is, this kind of people are scattered around the world, like parasites, doing nothing but to critics something or almost everything in the life. These people are nerds, they don’t appreciate what people have done to the community, go home and read The Law of Attraction by Abraham or else shut-the-fuck-off as if you know everything or are doing better than the others. To me, critics and advise are two different things, though the message conveyed through the medium is the same, it is the way how they tell people about their opinion and critic is lacking of respect.
Shadow from the past is still hunting me till now, the ghost that those idiots gave me,asked me to fear about all criticisms. I can feel enormous persure coming from my mind telling me to fear of every idea that I implemented into my work. The beauty is just a glimpsh of a eye when I imagine it in my mind, seconds after that, it’s all dark again.
Releasing stress is a hard work for me now, I seriously need a lots of friends, to pick those best who can help me out of the most time, who lend his/her ear to me to throw all my rubbish to. Who can lend me money when I am broke, who I can treat him to eat Jogoya without hoping for a single return. Good friends are hard to find, those who are really close to me, flew away far from my side for their future. I am forced to be independent again. In other word, I am left alone. Garbage..
Anyway, life will not be perfect as you imagine, but it will become as perfect as you wish, I always complain about myself why can’t I put whole of my concentration on something that I should do on my age now, I put the blame on the parents for not doing well, but who knows I have learn to make money for my own during this critical season. At least I know how to smack the ass of a donkey and pampering it not to shout in anger. It is a skill of survival indeed. Glazing at the ceiling and pampered myself again not to blame others. For this world is beautiful only with the presence of you Billy, “without darkness, you will not recognise glory.”
Here’s a story worth sharing from my dearest brother James.
献给所有没有美满家庭而努力的小伙子们,也顺便为我加油。
4 years ago, an accident took my beloved away and very often I wonder, how does my wife, who is now in the heavenly realm, feel right now? She must be feeling extremely sad for leaving a husband who is incapable to taking care of the house and the kid. ‘cos that is the exact feeling that I have, as I feel that I have failed to provide for the physical and emotional needs of my child, and failed to be the dad and mum for my child.
There was one particular day, when I had an emergency at work. Hence, I had to leave home whilst my child was still sleeping. So thinking that there was still rice leftovers, I hastily cooked an egg and left after informing my sleepy child.
為了照顧好孩子飲食三餐的事，我也無力把自己的工作做好。有一天晚上回到家，我只是很簡短地和孩子打個招呼，就因為身體疲累，不想吃晚餐，脫掉西裝之後就直接往床上躺下。就在那個時候，砰的一聲，紅色的湯汁跟泡麵瞬時弄髒了床單和被單，原來有碗泡麵在棉被裡！這小子真是的，說時遲那時快，我即時拿起一個衣架，跑出去，往正玩著玩具的兒子的屁股就打，因為我實在是太生氣了，所以不停地打他。但就在這個時候，他邊啜泣邊說了一段話，使我停了下來。
Boy, was I mad! I was so furious that I took a clothes hanger, charged straight at my child who was happily playing with his toy, and give him a good spanking! He merely cried but not asking for mercy, except a short explanation:
His answer, amidst his sobbing, was : The letters were for Mummy.
I told my son, ” Son, mummy is in the heavenly kingdom, so in future, if you have anything to tell her, just burn the letter and it will reach mummy. My son, on hearing this, was much pacified and calm, and soon after, he was sleeping soundly. On promising that I will burn the letters on his behalf, I brought the letters outside, but couldn’t help opening the letter before they turn to ash.
而當中有一封信攪動了我的心。
親愛的媽媽：
我很想念你！媽媽，今天在幼稚園有才藝表演，但是因為我沒有媽媽，所以沒有去
參加，我也沒有告訴爸爸，怕爸爸會想念媽媽。爸爸到處去找我，但我為了讓爸爸看
到我很開心的樣子，所以故意坐在電動玩具面前，雖然爸爸罵我，但是我到最後也沒
有告訴他原因。媽媽，我每天都看到爸爸因為想念媽媽而哭泣，我想爸爸也跟我一
樣，很想念媽媽吧！但是，媽，我現在已經記不清楚你的臉。媽媽，請你讓我在夢
中，再一次能夠看到你的臉，好嗎？聽說把想念的人的照片放在懷裡睡覺，就會夢到
那個人。可是，媽媽，為什麼你沒有出現在我的夢裡呢？」
I miss you so much! Today, there was a ‘Talent Show’ in school, and the school invited all mothers for the show. But you are not around, so I did not want to participate as well.. I did not tell Dad about it as I was afraid that Dad would start to cry and miss you all over again. Dad went around looking for me, but in order to hide my sadness, I sat in front of the computer and started playing games at one of the shops. Dad was furious, and he couldn’t help it but scolded and hit me, but I did not tell him the real reason. Mummy, everyday I see Dad missing you and whenever he think of you, he is so sad and often hide and cry in his room. I think we both miss you very very much. Too much for our own good I think. But Mummy, I am starting to forget your face. Can you please appear in my dreams so that I can see your face and remember you? I heard that if you fall asleep with the photograph of the person whom you miss, you will see the person in your dreams. But mummy, why haven’t you appear?
一定要想一想，有沒有辦法做到客人非我們不行，我們的差異化在哪裡，我們是否
真的懂客人的心，這比拼命喝酒，還重要，請務必要照顧自己的身體，才可以好好疼
惜妳的小寶貝和你的愛人。
For the married men:
給還沒有結婚的男同事和女同事：
無入而不自得 –（孔子）。
